In which Charles looks back

So, I appear to be the only one who had to work today. Not like it really mattered that I did. I sat a grand total of ten tables. In four hours. It was the deadest day I've ever worked. But it's ok, because Charles came to hang out towards the end of it, and we went to Anya's house. Us and Theresa and Anya all had a mini picnic on the lawn and talked about the weather. It was nice, actually. I think Anya liked it particularly. I don't talk about her much anymore, because I'm really not sure what to say. Have you ever met anyone who knows that they're going to die? Someone who is over the shock and anger of it all and is just waiting for the end? That's Anya now. She seems a bit more like the old Anya I knew now. She laughs and she runs around and she talks everyone's ear off. But there's a frantic sadness to all of it. Like she's acutely aware that this moment could be her last.

I feel awful about that. I really did want to try and help her. Now it seems likely that I'm going to be the one who does her in. Everything is so fricken hopeless and that small time on the lawn was just so beautiful I almost cried.

Charles did. Not in front of Anya and Theresa though. We were heading to the metro afterwards and he ducked into a burger king's bathroom for a few minutes. But he didn't really do a good job of hiding what he had been doing in there. Your face gets weird when you cry, and apparently no one ever taught Charles how to get rid of the evidence. So I called him on it, and he just monologued at me for like half an hour.

I think I've mentioned that this is the first time he's led a Noctis thing. Apparently most of the time before this he was just writing down names like I had been. It hadn't really hit him, and he believed Lazarus when he kept on going on about how this was the only way. Being near it, he's having second thoughts.

And being near me, apparently. He wasn't very clear at that point. But apparently Charles had a girlfriend once. She was linked, which is why I remind him of her. She threw herself off a bridge once he took the children.

I never really called him by his silly codename thing. If I knew the others' names I wouldn't call  them by their codenames either. But I think I sort of understand why he chose Orpheus as his.

I tried to talk him out of doing the exchange, but I think that the noctis still hold a lot of sway over him. Ultimately, it's just another person in a bad position. Another person I can't save.

Another person I caused pain. Without even meaning to.