In which I admit to something

I talked to the Noctis today.

Well, I talked to Charles. Who told me that he wasn't allowed to talk to me. Then I talked to Gabriel. So... I talked to two fifths of the Noctis today? Charles was being a failed Ninja around Anya again. I think they're still trying to go forward with The Exchange, which is just another thing that I have to worry about. Honestly, if I had anyone else to talk to I would. The Noctis, Gabriel especially, are not my favorite people in the world. But they're also the only people who could know about what I'm going through.

So, I flagged Charles down and after a weird but somehow comfortable conversation about how Lazarus and Gabriel think I want to stop the exchange (I admit, I kinda do) and I'm a danger or something now (uh... ok?) he dragged me to a rendezvous point and we waited until Gabriel showed up. There was some small talk and insults thrown, but the meat of the conversation started about here:

Me: Why don't you trust me?
Gabriel: Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you accused us of murder then stormed out the door.
Me: It is murder. And you hated me before that.
Gabriel: The timing doesn't match up. He came for Anya too soon.
Me: Ok, but why does that make me the bad guy?
Gabriel: There are some people who are just... linked to him. He can control them. Uses them to protect his targets from outside influence or make sure they're all in the same place when he takes them. He always seems to respond faster when someone linked is involved.
(I don't know how long I stayed silent here. I think Gabriel and Charles thought that I had gone catatonic or somethin.)
Me: You were right about me Gabriel. I mean, I didn't know. I just figured it out. But...
Gabriel: How long has it been happening?
Me: It's not like it came on all of a sudden. Maybe since I first saw him. I don't know. The point is, I hate what you guys do, but I don't trust myself around Anya anymore. I just want her to be safe.
Gabriel: How much of that is you?
Me: I don't know.
(Gabriel just nods)
Gabriel: I'll tell Lazarus. He'll think of something.
Me: Thanks, by the way.
Gabriel: For what?
Me: Not rubbing being right in my face.
Gabriel: I could if you want.
Me: No, I'm good.

And that's pretty much it. Against my better judgement, I'm back in with the Noctis. This might be the best time to ask questions if anybody has suggestionss.