Monday, May 23, 2011

In which I am a moron

It is sort of amazing what someone will do when they're desperate. I'm desperate right now. The only chance I had of saving Anya just ended up being more of the same bullshit and horror that every other option I've taken ended up being. I am wondering if perhaps I should stop trying. Whatever he does to do her can't possibly be bad enough for me to be fighting him this hard. And yet, I can't stop. I need to protect Anya. I'm the only one who really will. So I listened to Maurice. I really need to stop clutching on to every option that's presented to me. But I'm gullible like that I guess. Some stupid part of my brain refuses to give up hope.

Maurice suggested that I do something unexpected in order to draw his attention away from Anya. Of course, thinking of something unexpected was the hard part. I can barely figure out what is expected of me, let alone the opposite. Most of the time I just wander around doing my own thing and try not to care if it's a little off what people are supposed to do.

So I donned my beat up second hand black trenchcoat and skipped off to the nature trail next to my house. The one with lots of trees.

Stupid? Suicidal? Yeah, I know. But breaking this rule was the one thing I managed to think of. Maybe it was not original enough, maybe something else was going on, but he never showed. I walked deep into the woods, I spun around and yelled and made some pretty awesome limericks that I hopefully remember. It didn't matter. I am just not that interesting. Of course, what would I have done if he had actually shown up? Fight him? Make a deal?

No. I hate to admit it, but I'm sort of chicken shit in general. And he terrifies me. I read a lot of blogs and watch a lot of vlogs and stuff. How do they do it? And now I know, it's not because they had to. I have to, and look what I'm doing. Running around spouting poetry in the woods, trying to convince myself that something will work.

When I walked home, there was an accident on my street. Three cars. One of them was wrapped around a tree.


1 comment:

  1. Ohhhh AJ. Don't follow the advice of a fucker like Maurice. I don't exactly know what his deal is, but I know he's not on your side.

    Talk to the Noctis. See what you can find out about them. Depending on what you find, I might know a thing or two that could be useful? I make no promises, but who knows? I might be able to scrounge up a thing or two?