Friday, June 17, 2011

In which I rally myself a little

So, it seemed like the stupidest idea of all time, and suggested by people I've never met. But I followed the directions of the comment people of last post and dunked my head in ice water.

It was really cold, by the way. Really fucking cold.

It also worked. I feel a bit more me right now. I still feel relatively hollow, and the voices come back after a few minutes. But I'm not hiding inside myself any more. Although I really wish I was. I'm good at hiding. And this... it's pretty bad guys.

I found out what the voices mean

It's where I'm supposed to take Anya. And when they came back, they told me to do it tomorrow. I don't want to go. I don't want to lead Anya there. But as much as I feel more in control, I don't think I can fight him. Not enough to stop this, at any rate.

However, if all of this is going down tomorrow, I'm at least glad that I'm doing it as me. I just want to say a couple things now.

First of all, to all my twenty-two followers: I have no idea how you guys found me, or why you stayed. But it's kind of nice to have my thoughts validated. To know that someone is listening. Thank you guys so much for reading, and being there, and stuff. Doubly so for those who actually commented. Especially Amalgamation Sage. Seriously dude. You're... just great.

To David, It's kind of a shame that I'm saying goodbye to you on the internet. I wish I could do this in person. You're one of the best friends I've ever had. And I know I'm not always the easiest person to be around, and I've probably unintentionally hurt you several times. I just want you to know that in spite of everything, I really like you. Please tell Bryan I love him?

To Lazarus: Fuck you.

I'll talk to you guys tomorrow if I'm still alive. If I don't post... well, it was nice to know you all.


  1. Good luck, AJ. And stay safe if you can.

  2. The great secret is that no matter how much they tell you that you have no choice in the matter, there is always a choice. It's just a question of being insane enough to take it.

    Catch you on the flip-side, AJ.

  3. Good luck, kiddo.

    I wish it had been different.

  4. Good luck AJ

    I'll be here tomorrow, hoping to read good news from you